2007 Aug 11
How to Beat the Rhinos
By Ron S
Your senior editor has been observing the rhinos while vacationing on the game preserves in Kwazulu Natal, South Africa, and has some tips on beating them.
- Rhinos have a good sense of smell, but poor eyesight.
- Male rhinos urinate on bushes to mark their territory.
- There are two types of rhinoceros, white rhinoceros and black rhinoceros. The blacks are more dangerous, more likely to attack.
- Rhinos could not jump if their life depended on it.
Recommendations for Beating the Rhinos
- Before the match, the goalkeeper should urinate on the goalposts and along the 18-yard line. Male rhinos will then keep away from the area unless they smell a female in heat in the area.
- Don't make the black rhinos mad, because that will make them more likely to attack dangerously, and the next thing you know, the rhinos could be up a goal.
- Attack from downwind.
- Try to beat them in the air.